Still Sad :(

 I am not sure what to write except I miss my dad & mom. I am starting to get my craft stuff out maybe that will help. I want to make a memory book. I feel so overwhelmed with sadness so much of the time. I am trying to give myself time to grieve b/c I know I didn't do that with my mother & grandmother. Maybe that is why I'm having so much trouble maybe I'm grieving for three instead of just one. I am not feeling well today. I have a toothache. I am going to rest and try to get this pain to settle down. Just needed to get some of this out of my system ...seems like when I type stuff out it helps me feel better.

Today is my son-in-law's birthday. He will be 29. I hit the jackpot in this department. He is so good to my entire family. Happy Birthday Bill.

Beginning to think on making my cards again ... should be fun
HUGS from here
~cardmakermom (Tracy)

Dear Diary (I miss you, my loved ones)

Dear Diary,
   I am missing dad &mom today, and since I'm missing loved ones I miss granny & grandma Clara too. I miss sitting on the bed every night and talking with granny (and then later mother). I guess like mother like daughter. I just miss that they listened. No advice, no judging JUST LISTENED! Both taken way too young. Mom had always said she would die young ( I think in some ways she was ready to go to heaven) My mother taught me so much before she left and so much I didn't understand. As I get older the more I understand.
   My mind is racing, I don't know what to write about. I don't even know what to think. My mind is ADHD. I feel so hyper in my mind. WOW ... crazy racing thoughts. Not anything back I just can't focus on any "one" thing. I can't finish any thought or conversation. WHY can I not stay on track. Is this b/c of the grief? I don't think so b/c I know I have had trouble before staying focused. OK...slow down ....take a breath. Now another one. Ok, back to what I want to write.
     I have been thinking about cards & letters ... this could be a ministry I am sure of that. I know that the cards I have received have been so healing to my soul & spirit. I have always loved the idea of romantic love letters (and having a stack of them in a box to read over & over. Thinking of writing a letter to my children (one for each of them) that's a lot of work but when I'm gone it would mean so much to them. LOVE LETTERS & videos Of How much I love them. (I WISH I HAD ONE OF MOM SAYING I LOVE YOU) Manual, Jordan said the other day daddy didn't leave him a manual so maybe I can make one ??? maybe digital ? Digital will not take up as much room

Not sure if these thoughts are for daily page or book ? Guess we will wait to see.

NEW THOUGHT:  traditions
NEW THOUGHT: Girl Code
NEW THOUGHT: Family Fun Night
That's all folks ~ Tracy

Memories

 
Hello Everyone,

Yesterday we had a family gathering to celebrate my dad's 70th birthday (1st birthday in heaven). We had it at the family "old home place". My dad and brother built a shelter to have cookouts under. I thought that was the perfect place to have the reunion. I have decided because dad's family doesn't get together as often as they should I am making this an annual event. Okay, let's think of some names: First Annual Fuqua Family Birthday in Heaven Celebration. It's a little long but I think it will do.

We had so much fun. I made chicken/noodles and mashed potatoes, corn casserole and baked macaroni & cheese. I told everyone to bring a side and dessert. We also had Bill's famous Garlic Maple chicken or Maple Garlic chicken which ever it is anyway, it's so good! He also grilled hot dogs for the kids. I also made Rice Krispie treats for the "big" kids. You can never be too old for rice krispie treats.

Ok to the memories part. The reason I had it under the shelter was for daddy. He was so proud of that shelter, him and Rance built it for the family to have a place to have cookouts and get-togethers. Next I had a table cloth that was my grandma's it is a whimsical one that looks like a table cloth with the table set on it. It has the food printed on the plates. I loved it as a kid. Grandma always used it on the kid's table at thanksgiving. I think next year I want to have a table with photos of family that has already went to heaven. ? Remember this is a work in progress. I also thought the other day I want a place at Christmas where we have photos of mom & dad and under them place their stockings. I also want grandma/grandpa fuqua, grandma/grandpa cooprider & grandma/grandpa tucker. Bobby Gene (b/c he was like a big brother to me) I guess Bobby and I were close b/c we lived together at grandma/grandpa's I remember Grandma and I we would have to go out the the "out-house" in the back yard to use that restroom because Bobby Gene would be in the bathroom so long (lol) I would really like to get things around the property back to "the old days" I am not sure if we can do it or not but the older I get the more important it is to remember the past.

 ~Tracy

Missing Daddy

Hello blog followers,
I want to thank you for sticking with me all this time. It has been pretty wild ride the last several months. It began with Bobby Gene in the hospital, then moving over to methodist hospital in Indianapolis, IN. I called daddy to update him on Bobby's condition. I stood and listened to daddy rant and rave for over 15 minutes about if it were me that he would love me enough to unplug me. He did not want to be plugged into all that "crap" (dad's words not mine).The family finally unplugged Bobby Gene and he passed peacefully. He went to heaven to be with his mother, father, brothers and grandparents just to name a few. Daddy took it really rough. I was surprised how hard it was on him. He went with me to the Lisa's to be with the family and we had a nice time. Christmas the "Fuqua's" got together and a good day was had by all. Later in January we found out that daddy had stage four lung cancer. It was a shock I think to all of us. Daddy really wanted to fight to beat it. He knew it was not cureable only treatable. He fought so hard! He did an amazing job. I just buried daddy a little over three weeks ago. He always said "don't be sad I know I'll be in heaven. Go and have a party to celebrate the good times" and good memories did dad and I have. I was daddy's little girl and everywhere daddy went I was not too far behind. I loved him so much (sorry it's hard to type through the tears) but even the last year we had so much fun and laughed and made great memories right up until he took his last breathe I was kissing him and telling him how much I loved him. I remember all of those sweet precious times I would kiss him and say "oh daddy I love you so much" and he would look up to me with those beautiful gentle eyes and say "I love you too" I know that he was so happy I was there with him and that I was able to care for him. I had such an amazing time with daddy. I prayed for God to only keep him here as long as God wanted him here. I prayed God's perfect will be done. I wanted God to allow me to have him for a time but I didn't want him to suffer. I prayed that the Lord please take him to heaven to be with the rest of the family so daddy and daddy would not hurt anylonger. I am so glad that daddy and I were able to make such great memories. I can no longer write because I need to get some tissues and take a few minutes alone. Once again thank you so much for being there. Thanks daddy for all the wonderful memories and life lessons you taught me. I love you daddy
~~Tracy

Three weeks + one day

Hello Everyone, 

     It has only been three weeks and it seems like daddy has been gone forever! I miss him like crazy, I think of him all the time. I was with Amber yesterday and I was just talking and visiting and then I would think to myself  "oh I've got to run, I need to check on dad." then I would realize that I don't have to check on daddy any longer. He is fine now, perfect actually.  I know that time will help to make things better, but for right now it isn't much help. I can't seem to concentrate or focus on anything these days. I don't know what to do to make it better.

Daddy & Jordan

 

I guess seeing dad's photos have made it a little rough, I miss him so when I see them but in a way they comfort me too. Strange huh, can't really explain it. Daddy was such a great man, he was kind, gentle and giving.

I can't seem to finish this page right now, so I'll post it now and maybe finish it later.

~~Tracy

 

 

Hospital Go Bag

     A go bag is just what it sounds like its a bag that is already packed and ready to "go." This is very personal so the items in it will vary greatly. I will try and let you know the must haves as well as the extras that made a hospital stay for me as pleasant as possible. Remember this is what worked for me, make it personal for you. I kept this bag packed and ready to go. Dad was on chemotherapy every three weeks and after he had chemo on Tuesdays by Saturday he would have diarrhea and get dehydrated. This would mean a trip to the ER for fluids and admission over night to the hospital. We did this month after month so the go bag for me was a huge time saver. Plus when we would decide to go to the hospital it would already be late (so I wanted to get dad there and get him hydrated so he could begin to fill better and we could get some rest) I didn't want to take time to pack a bag and delay our leaving the house. I also knew if it was pre-packed I would be less likely to forget something.

* also if patient or caregiver is female you may want personal hygiene products for a emergency (it never fails)

• complete change of clothes to wear home from hospital
• complete change of clothes for caregiver
• sleep clothes and something for feet for caregiver
• shoes for patient (dad would go to ER w/slippers and want shoes next day)
• medication list (MUST)
• zip lock bag with scripts & otc meds (hospital may not have everything you take)
• cell phone charger (MUST) I had an extra that I just kept in the hospital bag
• ketchup packs dad hated hospital brand (took left over from burger king he liked)
• change purse with extra change (I kept a few ones in there too)
• cross word, Sudoku or just blank notebook & pen
• snacks (vending machine snacks are very costly)
• bottled water
• flashlight (small purse size, for me it was a must, used it several times)
• shaving kit added before we left home (see list below)

 

~Shaving kit bag~

 



I had a small shaving kit that I carried with us all the time it had some things that we used often. These are the small things that made his stay more comfortable for him.
Nail clippers (big heavy ones like for toes dad used on fingers and toes)
Emery board he would pick at his finger nails if he had any kind of snag.
Chap stick His lips would get dry (or he just had time to thing about it)
Couple of band aids (dad would bump his arms and bleed easy)
Small purse pill container I kept ibuprofen in it for head aches
Thermometer ($1@ dollar tree) nice convenience
Gum, mints, hard candy (nice when sitting waiting at doctor's office)
Deck of cards he could play alone or with me. (even caregiver could play alone)
Plastic silverware wrapped in plastic from fast food (can't be too prepared)

*most hospitals have complimentary coffee but I didn't like coffee so I always carried a tea bag or two they usually had sweetener so didn't have to carry that.

Medicine : List

     The medicine list is very important when going to the doctor especially if you have more than one doctor that you see. (example if you go to oncologist and cardiologist or pulmonologist) Sometimes these doctors are able to see each others medical records but not always.  These are things that worked for me at the end my father was on several drugs so this was a work in process. This is what I ended up doing for our doctor visits.  The oncologist gave me paperwork when we were at dad's appointment it had all of his medicine in one place. I made sure that we told doctor of all the over the counter (OTC) meds that dad would take. I read through the list to make sure that all the doses were correct and times of medicine.  (example my dad took CR morphine for pain but the morphine made him itch so he took Benadryl at the same time so on his medicine list it was written. Benadryl 25mg to be taken with morphine  every 12 hrs.) this way when dad got his morphine they would give him Benadryl too while he was in the hospital. I always had a updated medicine list in the pocket calendar I carried in my purse. (you will be surprised how often you need it) This way you will not forget any medication either.
* be sure to proof read this list I often found typos on this list (b/c the nurses are in a hurry when they update this list and mistakes are easily made)

Just as a side note I kept the paperwork from the pharmacy for his prescriptions in the three ring binder I only kept one copy. Each month when I filled his medicine I would shred the old one and put in the new one (this also gave the date filled which I could never remember so for me it was a big help)
  
I would like to say I want to be a help to you. I have been through this it doesn't make me an expert but it does mean I understand I've been there. If you have any questions please comment I love the feedback. If you would like to talk just comment and leave your email address I will get back to you as quickly as possible.


 Please comment on if this has been a help you. If you have a subject you would like me to comment on please leave me a comment and let me know. I will try and comment on my personal experience.
~~Tracy
 

Medical: Pill Keeper

     Let's talk about weekly pill keepers. These are available at the local dollar tree for a buck so they are very inexpensive. I actually have several. Remember these are just ideas, try it if it doesn't work for you abandon the idea and try something else. This is just what worked for me. At first dad was only on one folic acid daily because he was on a chemotherapy regiment. He was also on a steroid the before, the day of, and the day after his treatment. So we only had two pills that he was taking. At first I just kept the pill bottles beside the coffee pot and when dad would get up and make the coffee he would take his folic acid. As his cancer progressed we added vitamins and pain medicine to his medication.With the addition to more and more medications I decided that I needed to be sure that he took all of his medicine so each night I would pull all his morning pills into a small glass chicken that had a lid (to keep them clean and dust free) this worked for a while as well but finally I began to fill a pill keeper weekly. This way I was sure to never miss a day of medicine doses. I gave daddy his medicine with his morning coffee. * note a few times I would find medicine that dad had dropped so I began to give him his pills only one or two at a time. I watched him take them to make sure they didn't get missed. I had found his little purple morphine pill on the floor and worried about him missing a dose or my little dog getting a pill from the floor. This is the way I dealt with it, you could do it anyway that works for you. For me it was a lot easier to fill a weekly pill keeper and have them ready for the whole week.  If you have to take pills several times a day you can get a weekly pill keeper for each time you need to take them. At first we only needed one b/c all of dad's medicine he took in morning then it went to twice a day. I just bought a second for a dollar I used a sharpie and wrote AM on one pill keeper (this had the most pills) and then the other I wrote PM that was evening meds.
    Please remember these are just ideas, do what works for you.  Remember that can change as well. Something that works fine one month may not work well later, your routine changes as your medical condition changes.

I would like to say I want to be a help to you. I have been through this it doesn't make me an expert but it does mean I understand I've been there. If you have any questions please comment I love the feedback. If you would like to talk just comment and leave your email address I will get back to you as quickly as possible.

Please comment on if this has been a help you. If you have a subject you would like me to comment on please leave me a comment and let me know. I will try and comment on my personal experience.
~~Tracy

Digital Diary (page 2)

Dear Diary,
     Yesterday's enter was very lengthy so sorry about that, but that is typical of my style of writing. I begin to write and my mind just unwinds. The only problem is that it is not in any order and I bounce around a lot. I guess I need to work on that. Maybe rough draft and then a rewrite? That sounds like a lot of extra work not sure I'm up for that. I guess we will see. This is to get things in my mind out onto paper or just out. I do want to begin to compile helps for other cancer caregivers. So I'm hoping to do both things at once but I don't know I am not too organized some times.
     I don't know how to start the helps ..maybe just single page with ideas ??? title will help to search? Example Hospital "go" bag ...list things that need to go into your bag and be ready for a trip to hospital. I guess I'll start and see how things go. If you have any suggestions please comment. 
    I guess I wrote too much yesterday, because today my mind is empty ...I am still sad so trying not to open the flood gates I don't want to keep repeating myself so I guess I need to end here and if I am able to think of anything more to write come back.

Digital Diary (page 1)

You know a diary can be for many things this one is just a place for me to record thoughts and maybe ideas? who knows what it will end up being, so I'm just going to start. No sure what I want in it or not in it . . . so come along for the journey.
 

   Dear Diary
        It has just been a little over two weeks since I lost my dad. It is still very hard not to cry every time I think of him. We were very close, I was daddy's little girl. I am the oldest and the only girl. I guess that makes me the favorite. Daddy's favorite daughter! I cared for daddy during his battle with lung cancer, so we made lots of memories & got even closer I guess. This is why it's so hard I suppose ?  I tried to prepare myself since he was diagnosed, January 31, 2012. I didn't do a very good job I guess, because this has been very difficult. I look back now and wish I had written more about our journey (dad and I) I usually write everything down, everyday and sometimes more than once a day but for what ever reason this time I didn't.  Only God knows I guess why I didn't, I do still have the memories. Looking back  I wish I had written about his experiences to be able to help others. I wish I could write some sort of manual they could give you when you are diagnosed with cancer to help you and ease your pain, but maybe that was not meant to be right? I would like to maybe write something from a caregivers point of view to help others? It would have been nice to have some sort of place to go for resources, ideas and other helps. I would like to have a place for recipes & ideas for how to organize medical lab results ? Toward the end (last 6 months, wish I had done it from the beginning) I got a three ring binder & sheet protectors, every time we went to the doctor I put the paperwork in the three ring binder newest on top. This was a help when we called Hospice in. The nurse would ask a question and I could go to the paper work and find her the answer (if I could not remember) I also used a spiral notebook the last month he was alive, I recorded when he got up, when he took medicine, when he ate, etc. This was extremely helpful. This sounds awful but you need to keep track of food intake and output. I wanted to be sure daddy was as comfortable as possible so I wanted to be as organized as possible to help him the best I could. I put his medicine into a pill organizer to be sure he had taken them for the day, because the days run together and you think you have taken your medicine and you have not. The three ring binder helped when going to several doctors, this way I could say when his last chemo treatment was or how much he weighted on which day, even what his blood pressure was, all of those things at times were important I found that having the information at my fingertips helped me. I kept all his appointments in a calendar that I kept in my purse. I kept doctors phone numbers in it as well, this way when I needed a number in a hurry I went right to the back of the calendar and there they were plus if I needed a number while we were in town the calendar was in my purse. I also had a little pill box that I carried in my purse I carried one day of all dad's medicine in it. This way if I needed one of his pills or we stayed some place and I wasn't at home I had his medicine. I also kept a "hospital go bag" ready behind dad's favorite chair. It had a change of clothes for him & me, t-shirt and shorts (I could sleep in), house slippers for dad, cell phone charger, gum, mints, word search book, pen, flashlight, as well as box of pop tarts. I had it ready for whenever I went to town with dad I never knew when he may end up in the hospital for fluids. He got dehydrated about every three weeks or so when he had his chemo. I just grabbed when I went out the door to the doctor, it was easy to pull because it had wheels. I kept it in the bravada so if I needed it I had it. I made it nice the couple of times I called the ambulance for dad because it was already packed I didn't have to think! I also had all his pill bottles in a zip lock bag that I would grab so they would know what medicine he was on & the dose. I even had the OCT medicine in there. I wanted him to be as comfortable at the hospital as he was at home. I think digital maybe better than paper in some ways, you might be able to search things quicker ? will need to think of this one. I did use a digital calendar when we first found out dad had cancer then anyone who had user name and password could access it to find out appointments. If I had had an Ipad or Iphone the digital may have been better and easier. Use what you have available to you. For me the digital seemed like a good idea (which it was) It was just more time consuming for me to put it on the computer when I got home so I found that a small pocket calendar was a better match for me. For the first year I had a calendar book that was about the size of half sheet of paper it had places for phone numbers, address book in the back which was nice but it was big and once in awhile I forgot it, the beginning of 2013 when that one ran out I found that the small pocket one was perfect it was always in my purse (not lost somewhere) I took it out at the doctor when they gave us our appointments and wrote it in right at that minute so I didn't forget. I still stuck the little papers they give you (appointment reminders) in there too (held them to the page with paper clip) this was in case there was a problem with the appointment (which did happen on occasion) another reason I keep all papers in the three ring binder was because when dad some times had tests they wouldn't' have his orders it just made it quicker if I had a copy of the orders too. I also took a small lunch with us and snacks. It would make it easier if doctor would want to send him for tests right away We didn't have to eat out (costly and not healthy) I had small insulated lunch sack and I put in blue ice. I also took bottled water for dad. He got thirsty it seemed and water was better for him than stopping to get a coke not to mention cheaper. Just for us because dad had problems with his prostrate I kept a urinal in the car (from recent hospital stay), I also kept baby wipes and Ice cream bucket on the floor in the back seat. The ice cream bucket we used if he felt he was going to be sick. (it was a life saver a time or two) I bleached it if we had to use it. Then I put just a little dash of Odo ban in it to keep it smelling fresh (I kept the lid on it this way if he got sick I could put the lid on it so it wouldn't spill inside the car) I know this is not very organized but I am writing from memory, when I think of something I just add it. I kept a box of Kleenex near him too. I put a Wal-Mart bag on the gear shift in between us as a trash bag and if he had to cough up something he would use the Kleenex and toss it into the bag. (I know it sounds gross but it was a big help to me, instead of pulling over digging through the glove box looking for tissues. (plus it kept him from coughing it onto his clothes which would have been much worse) oh yes, I had hand sanitizer in the console too I tried to have him use it if he coughed up something. Speaking of hand sanitizer. . . when we first found out daddy got sick Amber went to Sam's club and bought Gloves, Wipes, Masks, Sanitizer, Lysol, Odo-Ban, liquid soap for all the sinks. I bought the 100ct plastic gloves that they use in the deli to use whenever I was in the kitchen. I didn't touch anything without those gloves on. It didn't matter if I was fixing something for him or the family I still used gloves everyone else used them too. I got 10 packs of 100ct. I put them in the draw to the left of the sink every time somebody would go to the kitchen they would get a pair of glove before they would begin to prepare anything. If anyone thought they may have been around anyone who was sick or if they felt bad they wore a mask! We sprayed Lysol onto everything all the time. I used Lysol wipes to wipe everything down too. Everyday I cleaned computer keyboards, remotes for tv, telephones, cell phones, door knobs, I was probably as close to a "germ a phobia" as you could be but I didn't care. I didn't want my daddy getting sick. I think dad only got sick once in the year and a half! Let me sing the praises of Odo Ban. I put it in the laundry, dad had accidents often because of his prostate problems so I used it took get rid of urine smell. He also had diarrhea often because of the chemo it helped with that as well. I used odo ban in the laundry, to mop floors and as spray deodorizer. I will write more later, I want to write about my experience with Hospice too! They were great, I didn't get to use them long but they were wonderful!!!



Recap:

• Medicine bottles in zip lock bag (prescriptions and OCT)
•  three ring binder with paperwork and lab results, paperwork from prescriptions
•  calendar with doctor appointments  (kept in purse)
•  hospital go bag
•  extra day of pills (kept in purse)
• spiral notebook with daily activities (when ate, took meds, unusual pain, symptoms)
• lunch, snacks & bottle of water
• ice cream bucket with lid
• urinal &baby wipes
• also kept box of Kleenex for dad (he coughed and spit up stuff often)
• Gloves, masks, sanitizer, Lysol (spray+wipes), odo ban, liquid soap at sinks

* I thought about using paper towels to dry hands but decided it was a little costly so I used hand towels and washed them after one use. I did so much laundry anyway a few towels didn't make a lot of difference. I got several (about 8-10) hand towels from dollar tree  I can't believe how much I used them. Every time I needed a towel I grabbed them. They just seemed to be the perfect size. They were very absorbent too.

One day at a time

Hello Everyone,
   The third times the charm, maybe I can write some what of a blog page today. It has been 19 days since daddy went to heaven.  I am so happy for him, but still struggling a bit for me. I try not to be sad that I miss him. I kissed him often and told him "I love you," but I am not sure it was enough to last me until I meet him again. 
   Borrowed this from somebody's facebook page:

 "I WISH YOU ENOUGH"

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the...
mother said:

"I love you and I wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

Thank you daddy for giving me "enough"
oh my here are those tears again, bye for now love to all & I wish you enough!
~Tracy

Two weeks

Hello Everyone,

   This is my daddy, it's one of the last photos we have of him. It was taken in early June. He had already begun to have seizures (and strokes that we didn't know about) In this photo I think he is waiting for a kiss, I had begun to lean down and kiss him almost every time I came into the room. I would also say "I love you" then he would look up at me and say "I love you too!"

I don't even know what to say, I'm still trying to adjust.  I knew this was coming so can't believe I'm having so much trouble. I knew I loved daddy dearly and I knew we were close. I was always daddy's little girl. I just guess even I didn't realize how close we were.
   Crap here come the tears! I can't believe I still can cry I have cried so much. I really don't know what to say. I can't type because I can't see the screen. So I guess this is it for now
~Tracy

One Week Later

Hello Every Everyone,
   I will try this again. I was in no position to post anything let alone a blog, oh well. Here goes. It has been a week. I am so lost, I keep wanting to go to the other room to check on daddy, but he is not there. Oh no here come the tears, I can hardly see to type. I know he is in heaven and he didn't want me to be sad. He knew he was going to heaven. I am so happy for him, but I'm still sad that I don't have him here with me any longer. Sorry I had to stop and wipe my tears and blow my nose.
     As you can see I am not ready for this yet. Still too soon
~~Tracy
  

4-26-1943 to 6-28-2013 ~ Edgar R Fuqua

Today I lost my best friend and most trusted ally. My dad went to heaven to be reunited with my mother, Royce Ann. I am so glad he is no longer any pain. He fought so hard against the cancer that had attacked his body. I am so sad I can not even begin to tell you the depth of my grief.  Too many tears to write
~Tracy

Hello Blog Followers,
    I know it has been a long time since my last post. I sincerely appologize. My father is still battling stage four lung cancer. (Since Jan 31, 2012 he has been fighting) The life expectancy is 6-12 months with treatment (2-4 without) At the end of June it will be 17 months. For this I am very thankful to God. He had 33 radiation treatments on his left femur (where the cancer attacked the bone) and he has been on chemo every three weeks since Feb 13, 2012. He recently stopped the chemo b/c he is scheduled to have cateract surgery in July. I have put my hobbies on hold to care for my father. (I have no idea how much time we have left so this is the time I will spend with him and make as many memories as possible!) We have had some really good times, we have laughed and we have cried sometimes we even laughed until we cried. I am his primary care giver so as you can tell I'm extremely busy. I would love to say that I will be able to update everyone once a week or once a month but the true is I have no idea how things will go. I am learning day by day. Thank you for your understanding!
   Thanks for listening Hugs from here
~~Tracy (cardmakermom)