One day at a time

Hello Everyone,
   The third times the charm, maybe I can write some what of a blog page today. It has been 19 days since daddy went to heaven.  I am so happy for him, but still struggling a bit for me. I try not to be sad that I miss him. I kissed him often and told him "I love you," but I am not sure it was enough to last me until I meet him again. 
   Borrowed this from somebody's facebook page:

 "I WISH YOU ENOUGH"

Recently, I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughter's departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the...
mother said:

"I love you and I wish you enough."

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left.

The mother walked over to the window where I sat. Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry.

I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following, reciting it from memory,

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye."

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

Thank you daddy for giving me "enough"
oh my here are those tears again, bye for now love to all & I wish you enough!
~Tracy

Two weeks

Hello Everyone,

   This is my daddy, it's one of the last photos we have of him. It was taken in early June. He had already begun to have seizures (and strokes that we didn't know about) In this photo I think he is waiting for a kiss, I had begun to lean down and kiss him almost every time I came into the room. I would also say "I love you" then he would look up at me and say "I love you too!"

I don't even know what to say, I'm still trying to adjust.  I knew this was coming so can't believe I'm having so much trouble. I knew I loved daddy dearly and I knew we were close. I was always daddy's little girl. I just guess even I didn't realize how close we were.
   Crap here come the tears! I can't believe I still can cry I have cried so much. I really don't know what to say. I can't type because I can't see the screen. So I guess this is it for now
~Tracy

One Week Later

Hello Every Everyone,
   I will try this again. I was in no position to post anything let alone a blog, oh well. Here goes. It has been a week. I am so lost, I keep wanting to go to the other room to check on daddy, but he is not there. Oh no here come the tears, I can hardly see to type. I know he is in heaven and he didn't want me to be sad. He knew he was going to heaven. I am so happy for him, but I'm still sad that I don't have him here with me any longer. Sorry I had to stop and wipe my tears and blow my nose.
     As you can see I am not ready for this yet. Still too soon
~~Tracy
  

4-26-1943 to 6-28-2013 ~ Edgar R Fuqua

Today I lost my best friend and most trusted ally. My dad went to heaven to be reunited with my mother, Royce Ann. I am so glad he is no longer any pain. He fought so hard against the cancer that had attacked his body. I am so sad I can not even begin to tell you the depth of my grief.  Too many tears to write
~Tracy

Hello Blog Followers,
    I know it has been a long time since my last post. I sincerely appologize. My father is still battling stage four lung cancer. (Since Jan 31, 2012 he has been fighting) The life expectancy is 6-12 months with treatment (2-4 without) At the end of June it will be 17 months. For this I am very thankful to God. He had 33 radiation treatments on his left femur (where the cancer attacked the bone) and he has been on chemo every three weeks since Feb 13, 2012. He recently stopped the chemo b/c he is scheduled to have cateract surgery in July. I have put my hobbies on hold to care for my father. (I have no idea how much time we have left so this is the time I will spend with him and make as many memories as possible!) We have had some really good times, we have laughed and we have cried sometimes we even laughed until we cried. I am his primary care giver so as you can tell I'm extremely busy. I would love to say that I will be able to update everyone once a week or once a month but the true is I have no idea how things will go. I am learning day by day. Thank you for your understanding!
   Thanks for listening Hugs from here
~~Tracy (cardmakermom)

November 2012

     I can't believe it is November already. It has been an incredible year. (not sure if that is really the adjective I want to use) Thanksgiving will be here before we know it and then comes Christmas. I can hardly believe the year is all but gone.  I am thankful for a wonderful God that has gotten me through this valley/desert time. My church family has also been amazing. I can't not forget my facebook friends either. Everyone has been so supportive and encouraging during this whole ordeal. I do feel like I am stronger (wish I could have gotten here on a different path) I know God is in control and is aware of all that I am going through. He is my rock.

     Dad has done so well during his treatments. I am so thankful to God for keeping him in his loving arms during this time. Dad is in great spirits. I know God has answered so many of my prayers. I know so many friends who have suffered so much more during their chemo treatments. I thank God that dad is doing so well. I am thankful that his body is responding to the treatments so well. God is so good.

     I am praying that with the beginning of the new year I can get back to my cards. My mind just is not focused enough to be creative I guess. I love my paper crafts but when I try to do something I just find myself wondering around with no real purpose, so with that said I will wait and try to resume my "card-making" for a later time. I would really like to make some Christmas cards (maybe I will try) I have so many things going on that I have not even begun to touch on here. I am not going to bore you with the details.

     Thank-you so much for those who prayer for my dad daily. (we can tell) Your words are so encouraging and uplifting! I pray you never have to go through this it is truly a life-changing event not only for the patient but the care-giver as well. I am thankful that God has drawn me closer to my dad this year. We have always been close but this last few months mean more to me than anyone will ever know. I miss my mom (which makes my daddy so much more precious to me) I hope you will take time to call your dad and tell him "I love you" You need to say it and he needs to hear it~

   Thanks for listening Hugs from here
~~Tracy (cardmakermom)

I'm still here ....Really I am

I am so sorry to my followers but it has been a very difficult year. As many of you know my father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in January. First an update: The tumor in his leg is taken care of (turned to liquid by radiation) and then he had a rod put in his leg to help with pain when he walks. He was having pain in his leg because the bone was weak from the tumor. The rod gives him stability. He says that it has helped with pain. The tumor is no longer painful. He is having some pain in the hip where they attached the rod. He recently received a cortisone shot to help with pain. He says it helped a "little" that means it really didn't do much. He recently had a Cat scan on his lungs. The cancer is unchanged at this time. (but the cancer he has is very slow growing) so we are not sure what these results mean. I feel it is good, chemo has stop the progress. His doctor says we can continue treatment because it seems to be working (b/c its not larger) or we can stop treatment and see if tumor in his lungs gets any larger. Dad has decided because he is not having much trouble taking the treatments to continue and not take a chance for the tumor to grow. If he has any trouble we may rethink that decision. I am so thankful to God for his answers to our prayers! God is so good. Dad has been sick very little. He did struggle with dehydration a little but that now seems to be under control. I am also thankful to dad's doctors and the "AMAZING" nurses. They all have treated him so great. All of the staff that we deal with have been great during this difficult time for us. Cancer is a life changing event not only for patient but the whole family and everyone has been very helpful. I am so thankful to my church family for their continued support and encouragement during this time. Their prayers are so much appreciated!!! I hope they know how much I love them ALL.